


Beyond the Telling

by turntechGeneticist717



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil, Boys In Love, Love Confessions, M/M, being scared of feelings, but admitting to them anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 21:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16183220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turntechGeneticist717/pseuds/turntechGeneticist717
Summary: This is from aPROMPTi did on tumblr that turned out much longer than I was planning lolprompt- 02: “I think I’m in love with you and that scares the hell out of me.” for Neil





	Beyond the Telling

To say that Andrew and Neil had a busy schedule would be a bit of an understatement. Between their classes, Exy and late-night practices with Kevin, it was hard to find any moments to themselves. They squeezed in affection _wherever_ and _whenever_ they could, but it was unfortunately not as often as either of them would have liked.

 They were currently in the middle of one of those rare stolen moments and Andrew had Neil pressed up against the kitchen counter of their shared dorm room. His kisses were hard and almost frantic against Neil’s lips and as always, his kiss alone was enough to spread a hot wave of desire throughout Neil’s entire body. It was a feeling Neil knew he would never grow tired of and something he knew he would always crave.

 Neil kissed him back just as desperately and he couldn’t quite suppress his groan of disappointment when he heard the door handle to their room jiggle and Andrew, hearing it too, subsequently pulled away. Andrew raised an eyebrow at the noise and gave Neil an assessing look as they heard the door open the rest of the way and Nicky call out, “Neil? Are you here? You better not have forgotten about our study date!”

Neil wanted to groan again but this time he was able to stop himself. He had completely forgotten about agreeing to meet up to study with Nicky early that day. A decision he was now sorely regretting. He mouthed a silent ‘Sorry’ to Andrew before calling out an answer to Nicky, making sure to mask the disappointment in his voice. Neil could hear Nicky’s footsteps approach the kitchen and as he entered Andrew turned away from Neil and brushed past Nicky as he exited the kitchen. Neil stared after him until he heard their door open and close again and only after knowing Andrew had left the dorm did Neil turn his attention to Nicky.

“Wow, you’re really in love with him, huh?” Nicky asked before Neil had a chance to say anything to him.

“What?” he asked, startled by Nicky’s assessment.

“Oh please, don’t even try to play dumb with me, Neil. No one can stare at someone with googly eyes like that and _not_ be completely head over heels in _loooovvvve_! Don’t get me wrong though, I think it’s cute. I just never thought I’d see the day someone feel in love with Andrew, ya know? Especially not as hard as you fell.”

“I remember when I first fell in love with Eric,” Nicky continued with a loud sigh, beckoning at Neil to follow him as he left the kitchen and headed to the living room. Neil followed and although Nicky continued talking Neil was oblivious to anything else he had to say. As soon as Nicky had mentioned love… well not just love, but more specifically _Neil_ being in love, Neil’s stomach had felt like it had bottomed out and the word weighed heavy in his chest.

Love wasn’t something Neil had ever even considered when he thought about Andrew and their relationship. Maybe it was because it was an unfamiliar concept to him. Love was never something that Neil had experienced growing up. He still wasn’t sure what to categorize his mother’s hard form of protection as or what his shattered emotions were for her either.

But love was something that he had _never_ had said to him and it was certainly _never_ something he felt the need to say to anyone else. He wasn’t even sure he knew what that word even meant if he was being honest. In fact, he had figured it was just an empty word that people said to one another to try to fill voids or make themselves feel better.

But now that Nicky put the word in his head, now that he put it in conjunction with Neil’s feelings for Andrew, Neil didn’t think he could so easily dismiss that word any longer.

Andrew was… well, _Andrew_. Neil knew that he had strong feelings for Andrew, knew that he would do absolutely anything for him, knew that Andrew gave his life a new purpose and that Andrew was his last thought before falling asleep and his first thought upon waking up. He knew that Andrew was his rock and how much he wanted to be a rock for Andrew as well. He knew that he wanted to share his life with him. Past, present, future and all the good and bad times in between. He trusted Andrew with his life and Andrew never let him down.

But was that… _love_?? Neil didn’t know, and he had no basis for comparison. He tried to focus on studying with Nicky that night, but his mind was a million miles away, trying to make sense of his feelings for Andrew and what they meant and if they could really be summed up by one, over used, four-letter word.

\---

After Nicky left that night, much earlier than he normally would have once he realized that Neil was a lost cause, Neil wasted no time heading up to the roof, knowing that Andrew would be there waiting for him. Sure enough, Andrew was there sitting on the edge, a handle of vodka at his knee and a cigarette at in his hand.

Neil walked over and took his usual spot next to him, only earning a glance from Andrew once he was fully seated. Andrew said nothing but held out his cigarette in a silent offer. Neil took it and inhaled the smoke as deeply as he could as it wafted up to him, hoping it would calm his tumultuous thoughts.

After Andrew lit another cigarette for himself they sat in mutual silence, both men staring out at campus and the few students who were still out roaming. Almost twenty minutes had passed before Andrew’s curiosity got the best of him and he questioned the obviously strange mood that Neil was in.

“Are you going to explain why you have that scared rabbit look again or should I just go down and help you start packing your bags now.”

Neil shot him an unamused glare that Andrew didn’t even briefly acknowledge. “I don’t want to run,” he explained simply, not knowing what else to say.

“Just because it’s been awhile since you’ve worn that scared rabbit look don’t think I wouldn’t recognize it anywhere.”

“It’s not…” Neil tried again but words failed him once more. “I don’t want to run.. I’m just…”

Neil stopped talking and pulled his knee to his chest and stared back out at campus. He tried to get his thoughts together, not quite knowing how to explain to Andrew the whirl wind of emotions that were swirling through his head. Andrew lit another cigarette and waited in patient silence, as always giving Neil the time to sort himself out and not pressuring him to talk before he was ready. Finally, Neil sucked in a deep breath of the chilly night air and tried again.

“I… I think I’m in love with you and that scares the hell out of me.”

Andrew didn’t say anything for several long moments and just stared at Neil in stony silence. Neil stared back, simultaneously relieved and terrified to have the words out between them. After what seemed like ages Andrew finally moved, bringing his cigarette up to his mouth and taking a long drag while never breaking eye-contact.

“Sounds like a personal problem,” he said at length as he slowly exhaled the smoke from his latest drag. He turned away and faced out towards campus with his unaffected stare still in place. The only indication that he was still giving thought to Neil’s words was the finger that he slid back and forth against his bottom lip.

Neil studied his profile as he did so, appreciating the small pout of Andrew’s lips and the way his fingers maintained their elegant curve even with the bruises and scrapes that were almost a constant fixture on his knuckles. It was in that moment that Neil realized that he didn’t just ‘ _think_ ’ he was in love with Andrew, he was most _definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, ‘head-over heels_ ’ in _love_ with Andrew. And now that he spoken the words out loud and accepted them in his head, his fear was almost palpable as he felt it drain out of him.

He supposed he should probably feel disappointed? offended? maybe hurt? by Andrew’s casual dismissal of his confession but he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything but relief and a contented feeling deep in the pit of his chest.

Andrew may not have said the words back or made a heartfelt confession of his own the way that was so often played out in the movies that Allison insisted on forcing them all to watch but he hadn’t rejected Neil’s feeling either. For Neil, that was enough. Andrew was enough. And whatever they had and whatever Andrew did feel for him was enough too.

Neil let himself absorb his new-found feelings and when he felt steady enough he flicked his now burnt out cigarette away and stood up. He hadn’t accomplished much of his homework with Nicky earlier and he figured he should probably go try to work on it now. Now that his head was cleared he thought he might actually be able to focus this time.

“I have some homework I need to finish so I’m going to head in,” Neil explained, and Andrew turned to fix his attention on him once more. He snubbed what remained of his cigarette out on the ground next to him and then flicked the butt of it at Neil.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Andrew said as he got to his feet. Neil guessed he was talking about admitting that he was in love with Andrew or maybe he just meant feeling something that strongly at all.

“I thought we established that a long time ago,” Neil shot back. “I’m not ashamed how I feel about you though and I don’t think it makes me stupid either.”

“Yeah, well that’s what you get for thinking,” Andrew said, stepping up close to Neil and pulling him closer by the collar of his shirt. “And I don’t mean you’re an idiot for your feelings, you’re an idiot for not realizing that the feelings are mutual.”

With that Andrew pulled Neil in for a kiss that was a tender as it was hard. It took a few moments for Neil to process what Andrew had meant but once it did Neil heart soared, and he stopped thinking and instead turned his whole focus on letting Andrew know what he thought of his confession through his kiss alone. Neil’s lips where numb and his mind was fuzzy when he finally pulled away from Andrew enough to gaze down into his hooded eyes.

“So, I’m your personal problem then?”

“Beyond the telling.”

Neil grinned at Andrew’s word choice, remembering the last time Andrew had used those same words on him. Andrew was far from amused at Neil’s cheer and he pulled him back down into a kiss which Neil knew was Andrew’s favorite way to shut him up. They lost themselves in each other after that. Neither of them said the words ‘I love you’ out loud again but the heat of their kisses and the way their hands caressed over hot skin, the way their eyes shone when they met and never looked away spoke loudly enough for both of them.

By the time they made it back to their dorm room that night it was far too late for any homework to get done but homework was the farthest thing from Neil’s mind, so it didn’t really matter. They said their good nights with one last soft kiss and Neil drifted off counting the places he could still feel Andrew’s lips against his skin.

It’s true that love had never been something that Neil had known or even wanted, but now that he had found it he was never letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Find me on tumblr @ [andrewminyardamiright](https://andrewminyardamiright.tumblr.com/)


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